I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
