what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
