youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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