I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
