you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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