he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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