i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
