I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
