And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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