My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
