What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
