we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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