i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
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You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
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And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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