D3 body, D1 cock
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Rumble strips road head = magical
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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