Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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