Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
