...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
