Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
