Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
