i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
