I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
