I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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