Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
