Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
