I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
