id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
