you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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