i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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