just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
