Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
