Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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