if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
