I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Did I show you my penis last night?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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