dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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