Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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