Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
