I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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