If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
