Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
