Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
