In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
