We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
