Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
