So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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