Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
