Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
