Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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