I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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