we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
