when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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