My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
