If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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