Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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