i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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