I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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