I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
