Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My cat gives me a boner
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
