Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
