I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
