Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
