Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
