ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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