Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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