you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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