so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
