people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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