She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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