You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize