it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
