so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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