your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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