she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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