So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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