doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
