i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize