they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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