I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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