I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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