What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
try to milk me bitch
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