We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
kristin has been a bad kristin
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
