I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
