guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
