Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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