I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Your mouth is God's brothel.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
