Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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