whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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