I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize