Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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